Thank you! And thanks to all the other messages I’ve received. I don’t want to publish all of them and take up my blog with weed discussions. Definitely something to think about. I posted that blog post after eating an extremely strong edible. I’ve sobered up now, but I was dysfunctionally stoned for 24 hours and being a non smoker, it was awful for me.
I have a really hard time relating to people that smoke weed regularly / daily. For me, weed gives me horrific anxiety attacks and paranoia to the point that I nitpick every single aspect of myself. It makes me hate myself as a person and my appearance. It almost made me quit music because I felt worthless and untalented and embarrassed.
I read a study that people prone to depression feel negative emotions after smoking. This would make sense for me as I’ve struggled with depleted seretonin and depression (medicated, therapy, the whole shebang) in the past, but I feel like I’ve been relatively happy since I came to New York. But even smoking in situations where I’m completely comfortable and around people I’m close to, I get panic attacks and begin to see myself from others perspectives and it’s always negative.
I associate my negative experiences smoking weed with people that are high and I begin to wonder if they’re over analyzing me when they are stoned like I do. It makes it very hard for me to be friends with people that smoke and I wish this wasn’t the case. It’s almost a deal breaker to me. Even the most considerate weed smokers make comments to me not smoking or trying to pass me a joint and it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to be around weed / smokers.
I’d like some insight or advice on this… I feel so much negative energy when I’m around weed and smokers but I want to be more open minded.