I’m only posting this to get it off my chest and move the fuck on. Tonight, I was chatting with a guy that lives two blocks from where i live. I don’t often meet people that live in my neighborhood, so I figured I would go hang out with this musician because I’ve been so eager to meet musicians to collaborate with. In fact, I met him on Tinder. I only made a tinder to meet more people because I’ve had such a hard time making friends in Brooklyn that aren’t at my school. I’ve met tons of good friends off dating websites and it’s never been a creepy situation. Most people are decent human beings, however, tonight, this wasn’t the case. I invited him to this local spot with my roommate and her friends, but he asked me to stop by his house beforehand, and I went.
I am an incredibly lucky individual. i don’t even know how to begin to describe what just happened to me. I am completely numb. I am so lost. I am so dumbfounded. Tonight, I was sexually harassed and bullied and physically forced on a bed at a stranger’s house. Tonight, a stranger tried to tear my tights off. Tonight, I said “no,” and he said ‘Just have chill out and have fun!’ Tonight, I said ‘I really don’t feel comfortable,’ and he said ‘Don’t be such a tease.’ I never thought that I would hear the phrases that are so often told in sexual harassment articles. Tonight, a stranger told me, “you’re being such a girl.” Tonight I was sexually harassed, and dare I say sexually molested. He put his hand in my shirt and under my skirt when I told him not to. Tonight, this stranger took my cell phone and put it in the corner of a room so I couldn’t text or call anyone. He tore my jacket off and didn’t let me leave his house the multiple times I told him I wanted to leave.
Luckily, I am a strong individual. Although this isn’t very ‘lucky,’ I’ve experienced sexual harassment many times. I’ve been drugged twice since moving to Brooklyn, but I have not been raped. I am a strong person, I am composed, I know myself full-heartedly and it terrifies me that some people don’t. And some people wouldn’t have been able to escape the situation I was in, because it’s really difficult standing your ground to someone who so persistently tries to convince you it is normal. It is not normal. I stared numbly at the ceiling while this guy tried to take my clothes off. I knew that I had to act casual and calm, because every time I was firm, he would get upset and physically restrain me. The only way I escaped was to laugh it off and say “I’m sorry, I really am not feeling this tonight.” I smiled and said, “I really need to do some homework. I’ll hit you up another time!” This was not fucking true at all. But, it’s how I escaped. He tried to walk me home. I politely told him not to because I live in a dorm and they are strict, and he reluctantly let me leave saying, “Are you mad at me?” No, I smiled.
But i’m fucking livid. I’m livid because there are girls/guys that go through this and they can’t say ‘no’ and they don’t have the confidence to reject someone persistently like I did tonight. I am so heartbroken for every person that has experienced this. I am so sad for victims of sexual harassment. I will move on, most likely as I normally do by tomorrow morning. But I needed to let it out, so I can let positivity into my line of sight again.
Please, be safe. I am always here for anyone who wants to talk. I love you all.
i’m really blown away by the support i’ve been getting on soundcloud… wow. i’m almost in tears in my bed right now feeling very shocked and appreciative. i can’t post this shit on twitter or facebook because i’m sure people get sick of me posting all the time but wow… thank you. i’m surprised to have even one follower, let alone 700 in such a short amount of time. i know it’s not much but music is certainly the most frightening endeavor of mine and it’s so nice to share things with people.
♡ i just posted this one
i am straight